'CAUSE THE FUTURE SCARES ME SHITLESS!

RANT TIME!

To sum everything up I am in a magical world of stress as the last 2 weeks for applying to colleges (which I know nothing about), scholarships (which I also know nothing about, and other things (which I have yet to learn I know nothing about).
So I had a little freak out on my parents, mainly aimed at my mother, because she's being really bitchy about this whole thing and I really dislike talking to her because whatever she says it's asking me what the hell I want to do with my life and what schools I've applied to and when is this going to be done and blah blah.
And, to top it all off- as of now I'm looking into marine biology, since nothing else strikes me as something I'd really want to do. Do I want to do the HARD WORK? No. I want to do what I like. Swim. I want to be the person catching fishes for the scientist people at the lab to cut open and look at. I want to take pictures of the life under water. Screw working in a lab, I WANT TO SWIM. Do I care if I get paid not as much? NO. I would want enough for an apartment and internet and I'd actually be pretty fuckin' set for life. Because, screw money, I want happiness, and for me just swimming around in the ocean getting someone else's experiment things for them sounds AWESOME. HELL if I could I'd work at Sea World and I'd be in goddamn heaven.
But, of course, marine=ocean. Ocean=as fucking far away as physically possible. Literally. I am DEAD CENTER of the North American Continent. So I over heard my mom telling my dad some lovely inspirational things like "needs to be more realistic" and "won't get anywhere" and "we'll send her to California and she'll have enough money for one year of school, she has to stay here and, honey, there aint an ocean." So, yeah. COMMENCE CRYING.

I don't know, it just sucks to not know where you want to go and have someone spear your ass until you're forced to jump to the next step.